Daddys Little Girl.

So 2011 is already seriously changing for me. in a good way. i am joining back up for weight watchers, and i going strong at the gym like i wanted to do. and something that i didnt think would really happen, and thats redevloping my relationship with my dad. if you didnt know, he is an achololic/addicted who is in recovery. I've dealt with it my whole life, but he was alway apart of my life, up until 2008 where he didnt even show up to my wedding when he promised he would be there no matter what. I dont think ANYone can begin to feel the pain of that feeling of KNOWING your father chose the drug and achol over being able to walk there ONLY girl down the asle to give her away. it was one of the hardest things i ever had to deal with. and to not have that father/daughter dance that you were so exicted to have... the song i was oringally gonna have with him i still consider it my song that i danced to with him- and that is "i loved her first" by heartland.

This is me and my dad when i was 2! this is one of my fav. pictures of us. that is the song. i love that song. and after my wedding i couldnt listen to it. i was soo angry and hurt that couldnt have my father dance with me at my wedding. all a girl ever wants is to have her dad walk her down the asle on her wedding day... anyways, so it took me a long time to let go and not be so hurt about it, cause over all it was an amazing daday, a day i will never forget. For a long time, God been putting on my heart to forgive my father, and reconsile with him. i forgave him a while ago for everything, but i was very scared to have him come back in my life, and go through all the emotions and disappointments that i been trying to bury for the last three years. can i just explain how HARD it is to bury 25 year worth of dissapointments and hurt in three years. so i couldnt do it. than at the churches christmas party, a guy told his testmony and how he didnt t alk to his father for so long and finally not talking to him didnt sit right with him, so he put out there that he loved him and that he would like a relationship with him again, and that they did talk to him. and that hit me.. i needed to do that. i needed to just let my dad know that i love him and that i forgive him. and slowly and surely our relationship is coming back. now some of you may be asking why i would do such a thing... and here my question to you?could you not handle knowing you dad is around and you dont see him? i just known that what he has is an addiction. and he my father... of course i want him in my life. its the hardest thing going from being daddy's little girl to not having my father in my life. i miss being daddy lil girl! i am the only girl in the family. i am his only daughter. So the news is, we are working on it again. we are working on having the father/daughter relationship again. am i scared that there gonna be disappointments. and broken promises.. yes. but at the same time i am enjoying it while it lasts and not having any expectations. so pray for my dad and i. as we are working through everything.